Journey for one

(Source: gigemaggies99)

see-reverse-side replied to your photoset: Figured since I mentioned them in my last post I…

you look so cute! Happy Belated Birthday! Love the shoes! ^_^

Thanks :-) Not belated yet. It’s only tomorrow. Me too :-) Got them from longtallsally.com Last pair on special :-)

Anonymous asked: gosh you're pretty. i'm surprised that you can even still "pass" while in "boy mode"

Thanks :-) . It varies really, some days I get ma’amed in boy mode and today I got sired in girl mode. People who have known me for a while have seen things change very slowly so some of them don’t actually notice that I’m looking more like a girl.

Well it’s time for an update. Quite a bit has happened in the last week or so.

So on 22 April, I had been on HRT for 9 months. Tomorrow(5 May) will be my 31st birthday. A while back I figured this was the window in which I wanted to come out at work. Well it ended up being a bit more than just that. Last week, on 23 April, I mailed my co-workers with my coming out letter. Later that evening I mailed it to just about everyone else I know that I wasn’t already out to. I had barely slept for the previous few days and my stomach was in knots from the stress and I just wanted it to be over. I got some really great responses from some people, and utter silence form others, but no negative push back…. well, other than my brother, but I’ll get into that another time.

As a lead up to this, I setup a new mail address, IM accounts, Facebook and Google+ accounts etc, and told everyone that these would be my new contact details from the beginning of May. The basic idea being to go full time or at least attempt it from May 1st. Well, so far so good. Over the past 3 days I’ve been in girl mode at work and things have been rather uneventful. The only exception to truly being full time is that I switch to boy mode whenever I see my girlfriend’s mom. The reason for this is that she has Alzheimer’s and get’s rather agitated and upset when big things change in her environment and she can’t remember. Not wanting to put extra pressure on her and the family, it’s not a huge issue in my life.

Anyway, going back to last weekend, I had a nice 5 day weekend. We had a public holiday on the Friday, and another on Tuesday, so my bosses decided to stay closed for Monday. So anyway, on Friday my girlfriend and I went searching for headphones for my birthday present. We ended up finding me a handbag and purse(purse and wallet in other teminology) too. Saturday morning I went and got my hair done.  I had a Brasiliana treatment done and got it all neatened up a bit. I’ve had it done once before and I just love it. My hair is so straight, manageable and smells like sweets. Afterwards I met up with my mom and we went to buy my birthday present from her, a lovely heart shaped Swarovski crystal necklace. I think this is turning out to be the least geeky set of birthday presents I’ve had in a long time. In the afternoon my girlfriend and I went to a going away part for a friend of mine who is moving to Chicago. We decided it was time to try out my new ankle boots, which have about a 3.5” heel on them. After a few minutes trying them out at home, I was fairly confident that I would manage them and had no issues with them for the rest of the afternoon. I will admit though that my feet and calves were rather tired that evening and a little achy the next day. Sunday started with me helping to move a couch from my mom’s apartment to mine, and a single bed from my apartment to my brother’s. Luckily my help wasn’t needed after the bed was loaded at my place. I didn’t feel much like helping any further by that point anyway. While my mom, her boyfriend and my brother’s girlfriend are all being supportive and trying to remember to use my new name and pronouns, my brother just refuses to do so. So needless to say, I’m not really in the mood to be around him at the moment.

So anyway, the rest of the weekend was rather quiet and uneventful. Well this week has been rather uneventful. I’ve been in girl mode at work, though non of my clothing exactly screams girl. I wear jeans and sneakers to work since they are just practical for the work I do. I’ve worn t-shirts and golf shirts, which are again, just practical and comfortable for what I do. Anyone taking notice would see that they have been women’s cut shirts and yesterday my t-shirt was rather form fitting. No one has commented at all, though my one boss has continued to use my boy name which is getting annoying. One of my co-workers responded with my girl name in an email after I changed my work mail address and such so it was bit of a reminder for him. Otherwise no one has really been using my name or pronouns. I get that my name has not yet been legally changed, but being told that people support you one minute, then them using my boy name the next is a bit frustrating. Anyway, I’m thinking about going to the Department of Homeland Affairs next week to apply for my name change.

I guess the last bit of news is that tomorrow(5 May) is my birthday. I’m still not sure what I’m actually gonna do to celebrate. I want to go to a local market in the morning. I need to buy some more bras and clothes since my wardrobe is a little limited still. I really want to watch the Avengers movie at some point and my mom wants us to all get together for lunch at some point, so sounds like a busy day.

Well I think that’s it for now.

Cya

Una

Well, I’m happy to say that I am feeling a lot better than I was a week or two back. I’m getting to play with some fun stuff at work, though I’m still waiting for a new server to arrive. The supplier is running 2 weeks late in delivering it :-(

Coming up in the next few weeks will be the 9 month mark of me being on HRT on 22 April and my 31st birthday on 5 May. At this point in time, I’m out to my family, a few friends and my current employers, but not my co-workers or most of the other people I know. After being out in girl mode lately, I’ve gained quite a bit of confidence. I don’t know that I actually pass, but no one has said anything and no one has given me any hassles. I’m getting rather frustrated about not being able to just be myself all the time and having to come up with explanations for my long hair and other stuff. I just want to be me 24/7.

So the thought occurred to me to come out to my co-workers and everyone else who I have semi regular dealings with around my birthday. Since my birthday and 9 month mark are fairly close together, it feels like a good time for a sort of re-birth. Once I’m out, I’m fairly free to go full time any time I feel ready. It’s still kind of scary, but exciting at the same time. Since there is a long weekend coming up on 27 April where we will only be returning to work on 2 May, I’m thinking about sending a coming out letter to all the staff at work at the end of the day on the 25th, or early on the 26th, so that people know about it before the weekend. Then I could return to work on 2 May as Una. I could then also send out a mail to the rest of the people during that April 27th to May 4th period and be pretty much done with outing myself by my birthday. I’m considering attempting to go full time from my birthday, but we will see how that goes. I should probably speak to my therapist about this all first. Maybe I’m rushing things. Right now the only things that kind of worry me about going full time are my voice and public restrooms. Anyway, after that is all out of the way, I can look at applying for my legal name change which will be pretty cool. Then I guess the fun begins of getting all my other paperwork changed.

Anyway, so beyond transition stuff, I’ve been thinking about doing something for my birthday. I’m still not sure what though. Whatever I do though I’d like for my friend Gen to be there, but she is leaving for the USA on May 6th for an Aupair assignment. I don’t get to see her very often at the moment, but I’m gonna miss her. I hope her trip all goes well. I also need to find a new apartment rather soon. The lease on my current apartment is up at the end of May so I need to find a new place to stay fairly soon. This will be the first time I’ll be moving into a place on my own, so I’m going to have to buy a bunch of furniture and appliances. I’m kind of looking forward to having a sort of blank slate to make my own, but at the same time it’s kinda scary. I guess worst case scenario, I could move into my dad’s place for a bit if I run into trouble. That would more than double my daily commute though and I really don’t want to be responsible for sorting things out there now that my brother is moving out to live closer to his new job.

Anyway, I guess that’s me for now.

Cya

Una